NHS Greater Glasgow

Apparently these were actually typed by NHS secretaries in Greater Glasgow:

• The patient has no previous history of suicides.
• Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
• Medical history unremarkable: only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
• She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband saysshe was very hot in bed.
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
• The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
• Discharge status: alive, but without my permission.
• Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
• Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
• She is numb from her toes down.
• While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
• The skin was moist and dry.
• Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
• Patient was alert and unresponsive.
• Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
• She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
• I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
• Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
• Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
• The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
• Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
• The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
• Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
• Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
• The patient was in a good state of health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
• Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
• She slipped on the ice and her legs went in separate directions in early December.
• Patient was seen by Dr. Smith who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
• The patient needed a bowel resection, but he took a job as a stock broker instead.
• By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

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