Ein Volk, Ein Reich …

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as “EuroEnglish”.

Year #1: “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

Year #2: There will be growing publik enthusiasm when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with the “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.

Year #3: Publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”s in the language is disgraceful and they should go away.

Year #4: peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

Year #5: during ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After ze fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Provided by John Tennant
UKIP, Brussels

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